Advice on Raising Muslim Children (from the Sunnah)

This was posted on one of my homeschooling e-groups some years ago. It is very long but I found it extremely helpful.(sorry for the formatting, it didn't copy well) ;) Worth a read!

Various ahadeeth on raising children - dars given by the talib ul ilm Moosa Richardson.
Moosa did his research on the topic from the following sources:

  • 6 main books of ahadith, which are bukhari, muslim, tirmidhi, abu dawud, ibn majah and an nasa'ee and their explanations.
  • A'laamul hadith by Imaam Khataabee, which is the explanation of saheeh Bukhari,
  • Muf'him, which is the explanation of saheeh muslim by Imaam Qurtubee.
  • Iqmaal al mu'lim of Imaam Qadee Iyaad.
  • Ifsaah of Imaam Ibn Ubayrah.
  • Sharh of Imaam Nawawee of saheeh muslim.
  • Mishqaat al masaabeeh.
  • And other sources too.

Allah said- save your ownselves and your families from the hellfire....

Umar said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- actions are but by intentions and everyone will get what he intended (part of the hadith)......(bukhari)

The educator should have niyyah that what he or she is doing is for the sake of Allah. Many of the salaf would teach the hadith before others, where the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- those who have mercy, then Ar Rahman will have mercy upon them. Mercy should come into play in the begininng stages of life, since birth. When the child is in the womb of the mother and when its born, Allah puts rahmah in the hearts of the parents for their child, more so in the mother. And when the child is in the circles where Qu'ran is being taught, then the first thing he/she hears is- " Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem". Then when the children grow up they will inshaAllah make du'aa for their parents, just like Allah mentioned in the Qur'an- O Allah have mercy on my two parents as they raised me as a child.

Some muslims study education from a kuffar standpoint and no relevance is given to what the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said in regards to parenting. Allah said- those who believed and had offspring who followed them in that belief, We will cause them to meet in the akhirah.
If the children are in the higher level of jannah and the parents in the lower one, then the parents will be allowed to go in the higher level to see their children.

Allah said - be rabaaniyeen (the ones who have excelled in tarbiyah). Shaykh Sa'di said about the true educator (rabaani) that they are the ulama who have hikmah and good akhlaaq, they teach small issues before big ones and they act upon what they teach.

Abu hurayrah said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said - whoever invites the people to guidance then he will receive the reward for that imitation and it will not take away the reward from their reward. And whoever invites to evil then he will have the sin for those who follow him in that. (tirmidhi and ibn majah) So as an educator, this hadith applies to you. If you teach your child even one ayah you will get reward of teaching him and you yourself are making dhikr of Allah and if the child acts upon it and teaches it to others then you will also get the reward. If you didn't give them a good education then if they do bad and earn sins, you also will earn sins and this could go on for years.

Children see you as an example without you saying anything because they see your actions and they pick up bad behaviour from you. Shaykh Uthaymeen said - anyone who's in a position to be followed then the more responsibility they have. You have to be aware of your actions because people will use your actions as a proof. You'll be accountable for your sins and those who follow you. If you hit your children on their face, then they may do it to other kids so you will be sinful for this.

Abdullah Ibn Umar said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- all of you are guardians and all of you are accountable for your guardianship. The ameer is a guardian, the man is a guardian over his household, the woman is a guardian over her husband’s household and his children and all of you are guardians and all of you are accountable for your guardianship. (bukhari)

The man is responsible on what goes on in his house, he has to spend on them from halal, dress them from halal clothes and teach them proper adaab. He must appoint someone to do that in his absence or may send his child to someone to do that if his not able to or bring someone to do that.

A woman is responsible for correcting her children, dressing them properly, changing their bedding, dressing them with warm clothes in winter.

Every educator/teacher should see themselves as a guardian. Did you give them naseehah?
Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- there is no servant that Allah puts over as a guardian and he doesn't convey naseehah except that he will not smell the fragrance of paradise. (bukhari)
So if they don't do the wajibaat and you remain silent and don’t give them naseehah then you have betrayed them for being silent. So this hadeeth is general to all, every time you’re in charge of someone.

Ibn Abbas said the criterion for a major sin is when there’s a punishment attached to the sin, whether the punishment is prescribed in the dunya or akhirah. Also other criteria that show it’s a major sin are:
  • If the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- I am free from him.
  • If the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- you will not smell the fragrance of jannah.
  • If the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- you will go to the hellfire.
When the parent dies, if he/she left things that are haraam in the house like mathalan a satellite dish, then if the children watch it too then they will get the sin but also the parent will keep on getting the sin of the haraam they are doing because while he/she was alive, he/she didn’t forbid the children from watching it. So the hadith above applies to the parents even after they die.

Anas ibn Malik said that Muaadh said (both who were from the ansaar and were from the youth)- I was with the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) on a riding beast and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- ya muadh. so Muadh said- layabk ya rasoolullah. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) remained silent and carried on in the journey and he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said -ya muadh and muadh said- labayk...(same thing happened and for the 3rd time he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said -do you know what the right of Allah is upon His servants and what is the right of the servants upon Allah? I responded- Allah and His messenger know best. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- the right of Allah upon His slaves is that they worship Him alone without partners. The right of the slaves upon Allah is that He does not punish whoever does not associate anything with Him. I said- O messenger of Allah, shall I not give glad tidings to the people? The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) replied- no don't inform them, lest they rely on it. (saheehain)

The educator should focus on tawheed and vary the methods of presenting tawheed, especially with children. This hadith shows that you call the name of the person to get their attention and you can call them 3 times after having remained silent each time so the child wants to know even more what you want to say.

Shaykh Uthaymeen said that you speak for a while and remain silent, this will cause the child to realise that its going to be important what your going to say.

The educator should think about his words carefully and the effects of what his about to say. The words used should be on their level so the educator thinks carefully who he is addressing. Ali said -speak to the people with what they will understand, do you like that Allah and His messenger be rejected?

There's a chapter in the book of fiqh of Imaam Bukhari regarding this. The educator should ask the child a question to check their level. The educator should be humble and not think his better than the one whom he's teaching. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) and muadh were riding on a donkey together and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) didn't just ride on it himself. If your humble with the people, you get a much better response.

Also the educator rides with the children. eg. if your going on a trip, be their companion on a journey and set some time aside to teach them during the journey. You can name an animal because muadh said in another narration- we were riding a donkey called uthayr.

Give consideration to things that are important to the child.
The Prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said to Ibn Abbas while on a journey - O ghulam, I am going to teach you some words, preserve Allah and He will preserve you, preserve Allah and you will find Him in front of you and if you ask, ask Allah and if you seek help then seek help of Allah and know that if the whole ummah gather to bring you benefit they could never bring you benefit except that Allah had already written it for you and if the whole ummah gather to bring you harm they could never bring you harm except that Allah had already written it for you, the pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. (ahmed, tirmidhi)

The youth should guard the boundaries of Allah and respect them by obeying Allah and staying away from haraam, this is preserving Allah. Allah will keep you safe when you're old if you preserve Allah in your youth. Some of the ulama would reach 100 years of age, yet still they were very sharp in their aql and also their eyesight and hearing would be very good because they obeyed Allah during their youth.

If you say to someone that your child has musical toys and this is haraam, some of them would say to you that his just a child, his not accountable. So are you going to let them eat pork and drink khamr now because their not accountable? You as a parent will be accountable.

You should teach your child to be brave and have courage and not tell them to get scared of jinns or dogs mathalan. So teach your child this hadeeth. The hadith also encourages to have sabr and to have sabr in things you don't like, there's a lot of good in that and the victory will come. If a man is righteous then Allah will help him and keep the affairs of his children straight, during his life and after his death. In the Quran in Suratul Kahf, the 2 orphans found their treasure under the wall and Allah said regarding that- because their father was a righteous man. So Allah preserved for these boys their treasure that was given to them when they needed it. Additonal rizq was given to the children because they had a righteous father.

Also another narration is of Sa'eed ibn musayib, when he said to his child -I am praying an additional salah because of you, hoping that Allah will preserve you. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) called him ghulam (young man) even though he knew his name.
The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said - I am going to teach you some words....
So the technique was different from the other hadith. Abu Hurayrah said that the prophet(sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) kissed hasan (his grandson) in presense of akra and akra said- I have 10 boys and never kissed any of them (he said it in a way that indicated that this was a good thing). So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- whoever doesnt have mercy, then no mercy will be given to him. (saheehan). So you should kiss your children and this is wajib because you shouldn't put yourself in a position where you won't be shown mercy from Allah. Kissing children in front of others is ok and its not disliked, this is from complete manhood. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) would kiss the children of the sahaba too. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) use to lean on a date palm tree when giving the khutbah but then he stopped using it and used the minbar instead so the date palm tree started crying because it use to be close to the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam). So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) went to it and embraced it and said- if I had not done that then it would have cried until yawmul qiyamah.

When children cry in a gathering, some people tell them to shut up, but rather you should go to the child and ask what's happened. Aisha said -some people of the desert asked the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam)- do you people kiss your children? and he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said "yes we do." So they said- but we don't kiss, by Allah. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- am I able to do anything for you if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?(saheehain)
Any form of love, you should show the children. Allah said in surah fatir- whoever Allah makes a way for them to have mercy then no one can take away that mercy from them. If someone needs help but you show no concern then it's a sign that Allah has put no mercy in you and likewise is the opposite. Allah has made such persons life miserable and he/she a miserable person.

As for kissing children on the lips then the scholars say its disliked and impermissible.
Abdullah ibn amr said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- he is not from us, the one who doesn't have mercy on our youth nor the one who doesn't acknowledge the rights of the elders. (ahmed) "He is not from us"- meaning he is not upon the path we are on. It doesn't mean his a kafir.

Abu Qatada al ansari said the prophet(sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) would pray holding his daughter zaynab, he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) would put her down when he made sujood and he(sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) would pick her up again when he stood back up. (muslim). Abu Qatada said that the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) came out to the salah with umamah on his shoulders and he prayed. Whenever he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) made ruku he would put her down and he would pick her up when he stood again. (muslim). The sunnah is you put the child down in ruku and sajdah.
You can carry a baby in the masjid because the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) did. By bringing children to the masjid, you're putting love in the child's heart to worship Allah, for the places of worship and the worshippers. Ibn Hajr said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) tended to the needs of the child over the concentration of the salah. But some scholars disagreed with ibn hajrs view and said that salah is the right of Allah and that comes first. But is there a clash between doing both things because when we are in salah, arent we to kill a scorpion if we see it? Aren't we to stop people from coming in front of us? Didn't the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) shorten the salah if he heard a child cry? If you ignored a child and he/she was crying and they were pulling you, would this allow you to concentrate?

Abdullah ibn mas'ud said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was praying and Hasan and Hussain jumped on his back while he was leading the salah. So some of the sahaba wanted to prevent the children from doing this so the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) gestured to them that leave them. After salah he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) made them sit in his lap and said- whoever loves me, let them love these two. (ibn Khuzaima, ibn hibbaan)

Children under 7 are allowed to enter the masjid and aren't told to stand in the row in the salah and should be allowed to play while jama'ah is going on as long as it doesn't cause harm to anyone. eg. they shouldn't break property. Hasan and Hussain were toddlers, about 3. Hasan was older than Hussain, about a year.

Some people are harsh with the children in the masjid and therefore, the children will turn away from the masjid then. It's allowed to make gesture in salah and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) approved of Hasan and Hussain's action.

The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) didn't rebuke the parents and say where are they?!
Shadaad said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) prolonged the sujood and they thought he may be receiving wahi and they asked him after the salah about this and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- rather my grandson had got on my back so I disliked stopping him from playing until he himself got tired.

When the child is 7 then you should tell him to stand in the rows to pray. At age of 7, they have their own opinions and understand things more than a small child would.

Buraydah said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was giving a khutbah and Hasan and Hussain were wearing red shirts and they came and were running around and playing so the prophet(sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) came down from the minbar, carried them both to the minbar and put them infront of him and said -Allah had spoken the truth, verily your wealth and your children are a fitnah for you. (imaam ahmed)

Anas ibn malik said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- verily I enter into my salah and I intend to make it a long recitation but I hear a child and so I shorten the recitation due to the attachment the mother will have for the child.

The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) never said to the women -why are you bringing the children to the masjid and he(sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) never said to the women- why are you allowing your children to raise their voices etc.

The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) didn't rebuke the children, they have a place in our gatherings and children like to play, we can't change their level, so we should have sabr with them if they disturb us.

The educator should play with the children and you can't expect children to act like adults.
Nu'maan ibn basheer (a young boy) said that his mother asked her husband to give a gift to him. So Abu Nu'maan thought about it for a long time and he decided to give him a gift. She said -I won't be pleased with you giving him the gift until you go and get the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) to be a witness over this. So Nu'maan said-my father took my hand and took me to the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam). So he told the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) what his wife said and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) asked- ya Basheer, do you have any other children other this boy? He said yes. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) asked- have you given the gift that you want to give to this one to the others? So he said-no. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- don’t take me as a witness because I am not a witness over injustice.(saheehain). Afterwards, Basheer took back the gift he had given to his son. The gift was a servant so it was a big gift.
Fear Allah and be fair with your children.

A parent or teacher should be fair and not give gifts or do favours to some over others. This leads to cutting off ties. Also students will become jealous of each other and argue. Girls get same as boys and its not according to the way they would inherit from their parents after death. The children are equal in how they are dutiful to you, you expect the girl to be the same as the boy. Likewise when you give gifts to them you should be equal. A parent can retract a gift from his son. Or if you can give the same gift to other children then there’s no need to get it back, but if you can’t give the same gift to the other children then you have the right to take it back.

The father should go to the ulama and get a fatwa if his not sure about an issue regarding his children.
You submit to the truth, you hear and obey what Allah and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said.

Umar Abi Salama said- I was a ghulaam (young boy) and living in the household of the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) and my hand would go all over the place when eating. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- ya ghulaam, mention the name Allah and eat with your right hand and eat that which is closest to you. So Umar said- it continued to be my manners after that. (saheehain)

The educator should teach the children and should eat with them so they can observe the manners of the children. If correction needs to be done you do it while they are eating.

Sahl said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was given a cup and he drank from it and on his right side there was a young boy and on the left there were elders of a tribe, so the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- ya ghulaam, would you mind if I gave the drink to the elders on the left? So the boy said- I would never give up the right of being on the right and drinking after you for anyone. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) gave him the drink and the boy drank it. ( bukhari). In the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) gatherings there were young and old. When you’re drinking and you want to pass the drink or anything else, then you pass it from the right. The rights of the children are to be observed even in the presence of the elders because the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) sought permission from the young boy.

These ahadith are guidelines for us. Now the westerners have come with books that state the categories of children, the different stages they are in etc, but the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) told us that over 1400 years ago.

Abdullah Ibn Amr said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- order your children to pray at the age of 7 and beat them if they don't pray at 10 and separate them in their beds. (ahmed, abu dawud)

So at the age of 7, you teach them how to do wudu, pray times, how many rak'ah for salawaat, sunnah and wajib salawaat, shuroot of salah, pillars of salah, sujud as sahu, other types of salah such as eid salah etc. Also teach them tawheed firstly because salah won't be accepted if they are not upon tawheed.

From this hadith qiyas can be done, which is that at the age of 7, you teach them all of the obligations of Islam, such as fasting etc.

If the children pray with adults before 7 then it's ok or if they ask any questions then you answer them. However, we don't teach them how to perform salah and the rulings related to that until the age of 7. If you start teaching children important matters at 5 or 6 then they won't take it seriously and they wont understand it properly, but at age of 7 they can understand things and benefit from it.

When you reach puberty you are accountable for your actions.

But before puberty there are 3 stages:

1st stage- 0-7 years
You leave the child to play and are easy on the child and don't order them to pray and do other acts of ibaadah. But if they ask questions then answer them and you be a good example for them and you bring them to the masjid.

2nd stage- 7-9.

They are taught basic obligations of Islam in a way that is easy and without being harsh. So if they don't want to pray then you don't say to them things like "you have to pray, don't you love Allah, aren't you a muslim?" So you don't discipline them if they don't do it. When they refuse, there's no punishment or being harsh with them.

3rd stage - 10.
If they refuse to pray then just beat them by tapping them or slapping them (not on the face) but it shouldn’t cause them any harm like bruising. You do this just to get their attention. You can't use a stick mathalan. Some of the sahaba would beat their children with a miswaak so it was a very light beating, just to get their attention. You don’t do this often otherwise it just becomes the norm and then they wont take you seriously. But if you’re kind and gentle with them often and now and again you beat them when something becomes serious, then they will take you seriously. If you’re always harsh with them then the harshness won’t have an impact on them. You hold them to account for not fulfilling their obligations, you discipline them for not doing so and you apply harshness. You do this by beating them or maybe not giving them a treat or a gift or you say to them that you’re not going to take them out this weekend on a picnic mathalan. When you do nice things to them a lot and then you take away that when they refuse to pray or if they disobey you in other things, then taking away an extra privilege is effective also. If you have children that are different age groups, you should be careful not to confuse the level for each child. If you try to push them to the next level, this may backfire on you and they may not incline to what you’re saying. From this age until puberty you put some responsibility on them.

Anas Ibn Malik said- when prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) came to Madina he had no servants so Abu Talha who was my step father took me by my hand and took me to the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) and said- O messenger of Allah, Anas is a very smart young man so let him be your servant. So Anas served the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) when he was a resident or a traveller and Anas said that the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) never said to me- why have you not done such and such and why didn't you do it that way. (saheehain)
Anas said -wallaahe the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) never said even uff to me. (muslim)
Anas said -one day the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) sent me to do something for him and I said to myself- I wont go and do it (meaning he was in 2 minds). Then I went out to do it and I came across young boys playing in the market (and he was in 2 minds whether he should play with them or go to do what he had to). The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was behind me and pulled my shirt and was laughing and said - ya unays (little anas), have you gone off to the place I told you to go? So Anas said- I am on my way ya rasoolullah.

If you deal with children nicely then you will win them over.

You can change their names to make them feel happy.

You be patient when teaching them.
Ubaadah said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) saw a man who cursed an animal he was riding on so the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said - who is the one who is cursing his beast? The man said- it's me. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- get down off the animal now, don’t come along with us on a journey with a cursed animal. Do not make du'aa against yourselves, your children and wealth, so that you don’t coincide the time when Allah’s answering your du'aa and your making du'aa against yourselves, your children and your wealth. (muslim)

Cursing means that you want Allah to remove the blessings He has given you from yourselves, children and wealth.

If you’re upset or angry with your child and you say -May Allah guide you (hadaakAllah), then this is good.

But don't curse, even saying dammit is cursing.

Ibn Abbas said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) use to seek refuge in Allah on behalf of Hasan and Hussein and he use to say -your forefather Ibrahim use to do that for Ismaeel and Is'haac and say I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from every shaytan and every biting thing and from every evil eye. (bukhari)

Jabir said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- when night times comes (magrib time), bring your children inside because the shayateen spread out and if some time went by in the night then let them go out again and close the doors and mention the name of Allah because shaytan does not open a door that's closed and cover your vessels and mention the name of Allah and put out your lanterns (you do all this at the time of magrib) (saheehain)

When you come into your house you should say bismillah and this keeps the shayateen away.
If your child has become corrupt then maybe its because you didn't implement this sunnah stated in the hadith. So you should on a daily basis take this seriously. Shaytan is evil, he takes advantage of weak people and children are weak. Just like when shaytan pricks a new born baby when its born.
Hasan Abi Ali said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) taught me some words that I would say in the witr salah. "......." (the du'aa is in the fortress of the muslim book p.130-131 ) (abu dawud, tirmidhi)

So the child should be taught to make du'aa for himself, so long as they have reached the age of 7.
The hadith shows the importance of witr. Once the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) left off witr and that was when the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was on hajj and he reached Muzdalifah where he prayed magrib and isha and then went to sleep and didn't pray the witr. So witr is not wajib (its mustahab) but you should pray witr. If you miss it now and again then there's no sin on you.
Mu'aadh Ibn Jabal said that the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) took me by my hand and said- surely I love you. So I said -may my father and mother be ransomed for you, I love you too. Then the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- I advice you that you never leave off saying after salah-O Allah help me remember You, be thankful to You and worship You in a good way. (ahmed, abu dawud)

You should tell your child that you love them.

Teach them beneficial things because if you truly love them then you will want them to earn Allah’s pleasure.

You openly proclaim your love for the students and then you teach them something new.

You should teach your children to seek the help of Allah only.

You should be concerned with the du'aa that they make after salah also.
The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam)said- the first thing you will be asked about is the salah so if it is good then the other actions will be good and if its corrupt then the other actions will be corrupt.

Abdullah ibn mas'ud said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- upon you is to be truthful because truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness (birr is everything thats good) leads to jannah and you will go on speaking truthfully until you are written with Allah as a truthful person and I warn you againt lying because lying leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to jahanam and you will go on lying until you are written with Allah as a lier. (muslim)

The educator should be truthful and should teach the child to be truthful. You should be a good example to them. Abdullah Ibn Amar said his mother called him one day and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) was in their house. His mum said to him- come here, let me give you something. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) asked- what did you want to give him? She said- I am going to give him a date. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam)said- if you had intended not to give him anything then that would be written as a lie. Don't use any tactic on your child so that they will obey you if it involves lying.

Show concern to what's important to them.
Anas Ibn Malik said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) use to come to our house sometimes and I had a brother called Abu Umayr. He use to have a little bird and he use to play with it and it died one day and the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) came and saw that the boy was sad so he asked Anas- whats wrong with the boy? And Anas told him. So the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) went to the boy and said- ya Abu Umayr what happened to nughair? (little bird) (saheehain) This was a little rhyme to cheer the child up. Children can be addressed with a kunya.
Its allowed for children to keep pets in the house. The prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) had the great responsibility of conveying the wahi but still he had concern for this little boy because his bird died.

You address the child according to their level, the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) addressed him with a rhyme, which would cheer the boy up. If you know some one's died, you still can ask what happened.

Ali said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said- the pen has been lifted from 3 types of people. The sleeping person until he wakes up, an insane person until he regains sanity and a child until he has a wet dream. (saheehain), When a child reaches puberty the signs are: menses for women, hair growing in private areas and wet dream (ejaculation). Changing of voice isn’t one of the signs of puberty. If none of these things happen, then when you reach 15 then you’re an adult. Even if 1 of these things occur, the child has reached puberty.

At age of 10 the child is meant to pray and he/she will be accountable but only in the dunya, the accountability in the akhirah is when they reach puberty and when the deeds are written in the book. But you as a parent will be accountable for their upbringing, especially after 10.

Abu Sa'eed Al Khudri said the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) said - if one of you sees an evil then you should change it with your hand and if your not able to then with your tongue and if your not able then hate it in your heart and that's the weakest of emaan. (muslim)

When you’re in authority, such as when the man is responsible for his household, then he should change the evil in his house and he should do that with his hand. If your in someone else’s house then you can’t remove that evil with your hand because your not in authority of that house so you advise them with your tongue. If you aren’t able to speak because you fear physical harm then hates it in your heart at least.

If the educator is responsible in the house or class, then it's wajib to change the evil with the hand.
The child can also change evil with his tongue if he sees that from his parent or teacher and they should be humble in accepting his naseehah.

Abu Musa Al Ashari said whenever the prophet (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) sent people to give dawah or to carry out affairs for the muslims, he (sallAllahu alayhi wasallam) would say - give glad tidings and don't run people away, make things easy and don't make things diifficult. (muslim)
So be cheerful when giving dawah and make people hopeful for the ajr from Allah. Don't put burdens on the people that which Allah hasn't. You call them in a nice way.